3 Jokes...............

Brenda:
 A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Brenda on it that I found in your pants pocket".
The man said "When I was at the races last week, Brenda was the name of the horse I bet on". The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. "Your horse in on the line"

Trainee:
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....
On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"
"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"
"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.
"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.....

Don't Want To Go To School:
One early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON: "Give me two good reasons why I should go to school?"
MOM: "One, you are fifty-two years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the Principal of the school."

Bad Conductor!

THE BUS CONDUCTOR.

Nice puzzle - try to crack it ...

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus,but he didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.

He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.

Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.

! Still you couldn't, Then look below....... ..

think hard………

common sense............ .

tired.... ?

wanna know the answer????

Ok........ there is the Answer...... ......

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died !!!!!!!!

Ha ha ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you’ve gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity ???

Being Screwed By A Lawyer!

The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified,
well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.


'May I help you sir?' she asked.


'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.


'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies.
Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.

'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a
visit.


Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave
it to Valerie,
and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.


The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row
as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was
still $5000..


Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie,
and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.


The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night,
but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs..

After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been
with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'

The man replied, ' Ontario .'

'Really', she said. 'I have family in Ontario .'

'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney.
She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'


The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

May I Borrow Your Dog?!!!

A man was leaving a cafe when he noticed an unusual funeral.

A funeral Coffin was followed by a second one.

Behind the second coffin was a Solitary man walking with a black dog.

Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.

The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry to disturb

you,

But I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in

single line.

Whose funeral is it?"

The man replied," That first coffin is for my wife."

What happened to her?"

"My dog attacked and killed her."

"Well, who is in the second coffin?"

"My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked

And killed her also."

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.

Then the First one asks in excitement, "Can I borrow the dog?

The man replied," Join the queue…………………………"

U Have To Be A 'Botak' ( Monk )!!!

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,

We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.

If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk

We shall now show you the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man requests the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,...

...silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.

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. . . But I can't tell you what it is because YOU are not a monk.

DON'T SWEAR AT ME;

I'M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO SENT THIS TO ME!

( There is another 'hor ny' version Here )

Why R U Reading My Post!!!

For a couple of years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and
too much pressure from my job, but now I've found out the
real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked ( In my case also over poked ).

The population of this country is 237 million ( I am no sure about this ).

104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the
work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do
the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal
government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million
to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for
state and city governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do
the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,
leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And you're sitting at your computer reading my post ( No wander I feel so overworked! )!!!

The above I received in my email! Kindly take it as a joke! I do value all my readers spending their valuable time reading my post! Have a very nice day!